When Season 1 of “13 Reasons Why” premiered on Netflix in 2017, the series was a controversial topic in our community. As a therapist who works primarily with teens and young adults, the show’s target demographic, I heard a lot of mixed feedback.
“Too unrealistic.” “They glamorized suicide.” “High school isn’t really like that.” “The teens are too good looking and look like they’re in their 30’s.” “It was too real.” “It was accurate.” “It needs to be watched.” “They shouldn’t show everything.” “It triggered my anxiety/depression/OCD/self-harm urges/PTSD.”
After the show had been out for several weeks, many high schools caught on and sent out letters and e-mails to the parents of their students warning them about the show. They urged parents to prevent their children from watching it, and if they couldn’t do that, at least watch it with them. The issue here is that teens will watch what they’re going to watch, and will find a way to watch it no matter how many parental controls you set on your netflix account. Chances are they had already watched it by the time parents heard about it.
With the premiere of Season 2 in May, “13 Reasons Why” producers added more disclaimers, available resources, and warnings to their episodes. Netflix responded by adding the option for parental controls to password protect access to the series. Many were surprised that a second season was allowed to air.
I made sure to watch both seasons as soon as possible. Honestly, this was not a huge struggle for me as I rarely get to watch TV for work. Also, I happened to really like the show. I do think that the series has sparked many very important conversations in our community. No more sweeping these issues under the rug.
That being said, it was very hard to watch. Even as a mental health professional who hears about these topics every day, seeing them in such graphic detail, particularly in the last episodes of Seasons 1 and 2, left me with an uncomfortable feeling for days after watching. I thought about how my patients must also be feeling this way but with less understanding about what it meant.
The phrase “It’s just a TV show,” does not apply to “13 Reasons Why.” It causes uncomfortable feelings, raises a lot of questions, and makes a lot of people angry. It also gets people talking: schools with their students, friends with their friends, parents with their children, patients with their therapists and doctors. All of this can be beneficial and healing for anyone who has ever felt an inkling of what they watched play out on their screens.
My suggestion for anyone who watches this series is to talk about it. Watching each episode feels like you’ve just been in an hour of really intense therapy; the kind that you’re still processing long after you leave the room. Don’t let it dangle, and if possible, don’t watch it alone.
If you want to discuss the show with your teen but are not sure where to start, here are a few discussion questions you can use:
Which character, if any, do you identify with the most?
Were there any characters that you strongly disliked?
Which of the subplots did you find the most interesting? Which ones could you do without?
Do you think they made the right choice in showing the most intense scenes in such graphic detail?
Do you think the events at Liberty High were realistic? Do they remind you of anything from real life?
Your child may not have seen the show yet. If they are considering watching “13 Reasons Why,” remind them that it is okay not to watch the show if they are nervous about the effect it will have on them. If they can’t help but be curious, suggest they watch with you or have them ask their therapist to watch an episode with them so they can talk about it immediately after. Most importantly, remind them that you are available to help them if they ever feel triggered, experience a trauma, or become suicidal.
If you are worried about yourself or someone else after watching this show, do not hesitate to call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Bergen County residents can call 201-262-HELP.
